ashersmarie

So I am offically moved into my dorm now. I also attended my first three classes of my second semester. I honestly think that tings will go well, if I work hard and don't slack off. Anywho i have to go now i have class in 15 minutes..till later.

Ahhh...so this is my last day of vacation really. Basically this is my last day to accomplish the things i didn't do that I should have done ages ago.

1) Call the DMV about a license...yeah I still need to do that. I am sad.

2) Buy a trunk so that my roommate won't be able to steal my food.

3) Start packing.

4) Buy books?

5) finish putting music on my ipod.

It is possible that there is more to add to this list but i can honestly say that I don't remember. Those are the top things I need to get done and ASAP.

Hi there again. its been a few days and I know I said I would have written sooner but I have been a cleaning spree with my mother, frolicking in the snow and last minute outings with friends I haven't been able to see. So basically nothing is really new other than the fact that I am moving back into my dorm on Sunday. That is something I am really not looking forward too. You can basically say that I am dreading it actually. I know that the last time i wrote that set a lot goals for this coming semester but i can't help but worry that things are not going to go my way and it really scares me. I don't want fail this semester and not just in terms of grades but in everything. I mean I really don't want to let my Dad down. He says that if I mess up again this semester that he is going to make me commute next fall. Also, I have to see if I can even study abroad sometime in my sophomore year because I know that there is no way that I can do it any other year. There just seems to be so many expectations to meet this semester and I just don't want to let anyone down. I think that is a terrible feeling...letting others down. I know that they don't mean to offend you or anything but you can always tell when you have let someone down; when you haven't reached their expectations of what you should be. Its funny to read what I am writing here. I notice that I constantly wish to seek others approval. But don't we all? I mean isn't it a great feel when you people congratulate you on your accomplishments? It makes you feel somewhat complete or whole?

Tonight I watched Pride and Prejudice with the girls and every time I watch it I always get this light hearted feeling inside. Its kind of like a warm feeling when you are so happy and nervous at the same time and you just can't help but smile. I get the same feeling every time I see it and it really makes me envy Elizabeth Bennett. Like holy crap wouldn't you want a man who would do just about anything to make you happy and to solve all your problems just to see you smile and for you to know just how much he truly loves you? I don't know any guy who would just give solve your family issues for you. I guess that is one way to prove you love someone, right? How do you prove that you love someone. Do you just have to say and that is that or do you have to go out of your way to prove how much that person means to you? Me, I feel that is mainly just telling that person that you truly love him/her from the bottom of your heart and showing him/her in some small way that you mean it. Like a kiss or just holding him/her close to you. One thing that really gets me heated though has to be when someone just says that they love you. No meaning behind..they are just saying it. Then the word love is thrown around as if it is truly meaningless and then it just becomes a word in the dictionary. I truly loathe the people who do that because you never know if its real or just a facade. Some pointless bullshit you read about in a book. You know what I getting at? I just don't understand how some people find it so easy to say it. How do you really know that you love someone? Is it when you can't get them off your mind; not even when you are trying to fall asleep? Or is when you have been with someone for so long it just becomes natural, like breathing in air? I think that it is when you can't stop yourself from saying in your head "I love such and such". It repeats in your head every time you think about him/her and you just want them to know but at the same time are too scared to confess your feelings. Well that is enough about love...see what watching Pride and Prejudice does to me?

I feel I am at the same crossroads I have been at before. The same "distance" issue that I truly don't want to face. Its the one thing i want to avoid but ironically keep running into like the plague or something. It's just he doesn't want to discuss it with me at this point and time in our relationship. That is bullshit. I mean yes, in theory it would be lovely to not think about the inevitable but eventually it's going to catch up with us. I feel that i am falling for him but i don't want to invest my feeling in him if he is just going to break up with me when the time comes for him to leave. That is something I need to think about.

I love how contemplative i get at night. Its a never ending string of ideas that come following out of my head for some reason. You think I would have grown out of it by now. Oh well, moving on. Tomorrow is the last day I get to see Dana and Shana before they go back to school in Boston. I don't even know if I will be able to to see them but we shall see when tomorrow comes. As for now I am going to sleep and try not to think about everything I just wrote. Till next time.

Hi there. It has been ages since i last wrote. So lets recap my life. Over andrew or at least i believe so. Dated Steve. I must have lost my mind. Lasted almost a month so like 3 1/2 weeks. Worked with kids over the summer. That was an adventure and a half, but loved it just the same. spent the rest of my summer with my amazing friends of whom i am still very close too. I started and finished my first semester at Southern Connecticut State University. I have two roommates. One is named Ashley(ironic don't you think?) and the second is Jackie. Ashley and I have a general understanding of one another and get along for the most part. That is unless we get into random fist fights. Yeah. Jackie and i are from two total different sides of the spectrum. We are really different so it makes it hard for the two of to co-exist. Basically she takes all my food when i'm not around. not nice. What else can i tell you? Oh i have a new boyfriend now, named Derek. He is a sweet heart and very hardworking. He is a senior at my old high school. We have been dating for two months now so things are going well. The only thing that kinda sucks is the fact that I can't see him very often but I am sure once his auditions for college are done we will be able to see one another more.

So right now i have about a week left to my winter break. It has been going pretty well actually. Just mainly hanging out with friends and such. I haven't been working because my boss is being a brat and won't give me hours...which reminds me to call her again. I got my grades back from my first semester and i did ok but there is always room for improvement. I got mainly As. So that is good but like i said it could be better. I am a little nervous about this up coming semester. I am taking six classes which is the maximum amount of classes i can take. They say that it might be an overload depending on the classes. i think i should be ok but i am going to work harder this semester...my days either in class or the library and my nights either in the computer lab, my dorm (trying to limit that time) or my friend's dorm (prob escaping the stupidity on my floor). This the determining semester whether i decide to stay at Southern or transfer to Western. I am going to try and work harder and try becoming more active in the activities at school. I guess this is my New Year's resolution if you will. Also, I have to practice not being a complete push over. That is very important...very.

Another goal I am attempting to set for myself is that i am going to join the gym to maintain a healthy weight, along with reading more. There are so many books i have yet to read. The pile of books in my room is getting rather large. well i think i have kept you as updated as can at this point. My last and final goal is to maintain my journal here so that i can take some of my girlish angst out on her rather then on people. Plus it's nice to look back and read what happened in the past year. Perhaps will write tomorrow. Till then..

Hey there again! i just read my last entry and sound it rather funny because that is complete crap...really I am such a girl. It's cute but woah, I can't believe I wrote that lol. I found this saved entry here after I broke up with andrew. I find really funny to look back and read how I felt after that. here it is:"uuuuuuggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhh. I hate the word distance. i hate that stupid male mentality that everything comes to a freaking hault because you are not 5 minutes away from one another. i don't understand why this happens so often and for the same damn reason. What is this? God, i am sick of having something great to only be taken away just when things are going great. i don't get it. i really don't. i don't understand why people can handle the distance, i don't understand why people still feel the same about that one person regardless of how far they are. i just don't understand. I am not mad just uuuggghh confused I guess."

My feelings now are different. I am actually content, i don't even like andrew more than just being my friend. I think i am so much better off being single lol. There is more drama now that we aren't dating so i couldn't even handle a relationship. But hey at least I still have a prom date haha. I am such an ass. I am actually glad I broke up with him. I think I can wait to look for a relationship when I go to college. I mean im not far from yale...hooray!

I really wish I can go out right now though...that would be great..I am so restless lately, all I want to do is go out. alright i'm done. ta ta for now.

It is remarkable to know that the last time I really wrote anything, it concerned a boy whom I never see but talk to all the time. I thought he was pretty freakin' awesome, almost perfect for me. That was until Andrew pranced into my life. yes, I said pranced. I chose that word because it fits our weirdness. We have been dating for two weeks, yeah that is a long time for high school. haha. Even stranger, we have only known each other for about three weeks. Its funny when you haven't known someone for a long time at all, but you can feel like he has been a part of your life forever. So, this is what a good relationship feels like. It feels amazing.

Ever get that one moment where you feel at peace like no bad thoughts are running through your mind? yeah that is how I'm feeling right now. Maybe it is because my nose is stuffed up and it is hurting my brain a little....I bet that isn't a good thing but ehh...I like the part where I feel content so oh well.
You should be excited to know that I have picked up writing again. It has been months since I have written anything good or anything for matter. I am just trying to get back into my flow when I write. It takes me awhile to feel inspired. I came up with the idea when I was on the "T" in Boston. I hope it comes out better than what I expected. It is going to be a slow process, but at least the result will be good.

alright...for now that is all I felt like saying. till I vent again, bye.

I really can't deal with all the shit life throws me any more. YES, I know it's my fault. All my fault and I can't change what has happened but I am really getting tired. Not just mentally but also physically. I really need a break from this whole thing and yet I still can't get one. I know I sound annoying, but i all I get from one parent is that its my fault and all I apparently care about is fun. Yeah..that is me in a nutshell. And the other doesn't know what do except feel bad and give me options and options...my head hurts. I am honestly sick of crying I am sick of being worried. I am sick of this stupid shit. I just want to....I have no idea...get away. impossible. it won't happen.

I am about to give up. though i know i can't and I won't. I can't even give up when I want to. I have so much control over my life. haha.

ok..venting is over....back to positive...as soon as I figure out the meaning of life.

Being single is pure bliss. BUT. There is always a BUT. When I say "BUT" I am actually referring to "him". For days he is all I think about. As I think about him now I can't help but smile. I don't think I've felt this light headed in a while.(light headed in a good way.) I can't believe someone can have that effect on you. I know it happens, but when it does it really takes you by surprise. I know I already talked him recently but I thought I would give you the background of how I met him.

By in my sophomore year I had the opportunity to go visit my best friend Danielle in Pittsburgh during Memorial weekend. It was the same weekend that Charlotte started going out with the guy was going to date...but that is a completely different story. I was just visiting to celebrate her Sweet 16. It was a hotel party..yes, it was as fun as it sounds. For me it was a chance to be with my best friend, whom I rarely saw but it was also a little get-away from all the drama going on at home. On my last day there Danielle wanted me to meet these friends of hers. So I met two guys that took us out. One was an ass and I can't remember his name and the other John. He was a really nice guy, who was funny and charming. Now I'll tell you what happened between us. My friend Danielle who is obviously the spontaneous one suggested to John and me to make out. We were on a bridge at the time. It was exactly like a scene out of a movie. The lights from all the buildings were around us. The river was sparkling from the moon light. It was a warm night with a little bit of wind. It seems so perfect. The moment was perfect. The rest of the night with him was beautiful. Since then we kept talking.

We talk for hours and we always find something else in common between us. There isn't a day that goes by that I wish we lived closer. I can't believe that I might be visiting him next week. I just can't wait. Just to see him again. I am not the kind of person who believes in fate or destiny. Its something I would want, but it seems to only happen in movies. John is different and refreshing. I hope it isn't going to be what I want. There is the whole "What if". What if when he sees me...I'm not what he wants anymore? I know that this is just nerves mainly...but what if?

I hope it is just as beautiful as the last time we saw one another...I mean if he didn't like me he wouldn't have waited all this time or call me at least twice a week since.

What's your favorite holiday? Most people pick Christmas, their birthday, and any other holiday that gives you a reason to drink...you know the normal. No one picks Valentine's day unless it gives you a reason to eat excessive amounts of chocolate or when you can flaunt your relationship to the world. Do you remember when Valentine's day was actually fun? In like elementary school everyone would give Valentine's Day cards to everyone..even the creepy kid that ate his boogers. What happened to those days?

I am not the kind of person that is complaining about being alone...actually I'm enjoying it right now. The only thing that sucks is the fact that you ARE alone and people ARE going to flaunt their relationships in front of you regardless. Since when did people need one day to show someone how they felt? Why not every day? If I was in a relationship I would want him to tell me how he felt about me every day; not just make a big thing about it in one day. I know that it is just a day were people show a little more for their loved ones...but really why one day?

I'll give Valentine's Day this much, it IS a reason to stuff your face with chocolates that either someone or yourself bought. It gives couples a reason to act love struck in front of others. I guess it has its perks from some people.

IF YOU HAVEN'T GOTTEN YOUR VALENTINE SOMETHING SPECIAL YET HERE IS A FEW IDEAS:

1) Instead of chocolates- get 3 picture frames that are connected together. Each frame will have a picture of you but doing different things...the first picture point to your eyes for "I". In the second picture make a heart with your hands for "love". In the last picture point out in front of you for "you". I thought it was a cute idea. That is my cute side.

2) Instead of just taking your Valentine to dinner- Make your valentine their favorite meal and perhaps a long walk, just the two of you. This is A)sweet and will work and B) is cheap for those of you, who are on a tight budget.

3) looking for something creative?- write a love poems or perhaps even a song telling him/her exactly how you feel. Very popular and it comes from the heart.

4) something simple and effective- A dozen white roses with one red rose in the middle. Have a note attached saying something sweet like "You are one in a million".

As for me, yes, I am going solo for Valentine's Day but I have a Valentine. Actually, I have about 6 or so. My favorite girls and I will be going out for a "romantic evening" watching movies and yes, of course, we will be stuffing our faces with chocolates such as Hershey's kisses. so least I'm kissed at some point during Valentine's day. And I'm glad the day won't be totally sad. :D

How are you spending valentine's Day?

I can't believe this feeling I feel. I never thought I meet someone who has such amazing goals or is so similar to me. He he so motivated and I find that so appealing. I love how we are so alike...i mean even down to the kind of houses we like and we agree on so much...and that is soooo rare to find. OH and I love the fact that he is respectful and that he is Catholic. OH MY GOODNESS. I mean there is of course a few flaws but I going to look past them. I met him two years ago and he is still interested. He likes me for me and thinks so highly of me. I mean guys like him are incredibly rare. The only thing that truly sucks about this thing is that my best friend introduced us when I went to go visit her. She lives in Pittsburgh. Yes...there is the issue of distance. I hate that word...I hate that whole phrase...like if you really care for someone and that is the only thing holding you back from pursuing a relationship I would do regardless. Sometimes in relationships like these you have to risk it in order to have something wonderful, like this feeling I feel.

Every time I have a conversation with him I feel amazing, and I've noticed every time we talk I don't stop smiling. I thought stupid stuff like that only happened in movies but ironically it exists and it splendid. I can't wait to see him over february break. I've really missed him.

at least for now, I hope this feeling never ends. It's breathtaking.

so yeah the swirl is tomorrow.....I'll tell you all about it.


don't you love the suspense?

don't mess with me when I'm already having a bad day...or you will learn the hard way. I think that it is a good think to be mean every once in awhile or people will walk all over you. i can't stand the way certain people talk to me...they need to fix that. But...finally I was so sick of it I just..well...the bitch side of me came out...and I'm sorry to the nice ones, like Ryan, but honestly enough is enough. I can't always be this push over. I am so proud i actually did it. I can't do all the work and then the others get the credit its not fair. So, as one was talking to his friends I just made the answers to the section we had wrong. So there. And the lovely part of it all was I wasn't there to see him lose the jeopardy game. HA. HA. HA. This is mean to the others but i felt I had to.

i hope...my next english class runs smoothly.

I am looking on the bright side...happy thoughts....I'm really trying here. It's- I don't know. It really sucks when your Dad tells you how terrible he feels for you and tries to re-plan your life. It's like this big vision my Dad saw me living is now crushed and he is trying to make it better some how. I know what I want to do with my life but the journey there is hazy. I know I don't want to go to a community college. (I have nothing against them..I just don't want to go there.) I remember when I was in 7th grade or so and I wanted to go to New York, live with my God-mother and become an actress. Dad told me that the likely hood of that happening was slim. A little crushed I moved on...like anyone would. Today, that plan seems a lot easier than going through all the shit that comes along with college. The the crappy thing about it is, it is mainly my fault. If only I worked harder in freshman and sophomore year. Things would have been so much different. There wasn't someone on my back saying this year counts even if you don't think it does. "If" is a main theme here; and dwelling on "If" only makes it worse. I doesn't help and it doesn't change what happened. I wish it would but it doesn't. But, to be honest I have never worked harder than I did this year and I am so proud. I have pushed myself more than any senior...or so I like to believe. It has been hard pushing myself for all I have achieved this year. Others my think that it is no big deal but in my life it has made all the difference. It is kinda funny...the minute you work your ass off to achieve one goal you have to work even harder just to keep it.

The question I keep asking myself is:"what now? Now that two plans are shot to hell, what do I do next?" I don't know what lies ahead and I don't know where i'll go but i pray I'm happy. No. I will be happy, because I know that I have family to come home to and friends to guide me along the way. Where ever life leads me I know it is what is meant to be. Life is not meant to be planned it is meant to be lived. It is meant to experience what is laid out before your eyes. Reach for what you want and don't you ever think of giving up. If I have to give up my social life and devote myself to school and only school to get exactly what I want then so be it. I will not let anyone tell me "No". It takes more than a rejection letter to let me think that it is over.

I'm setting a goal. That I will not settle. I will strive for more in life. I will work my ass off in whatever school I attend next year and raise my GPA...and I will transfer to where ever the fates take me. That also includes now. I will not give up...and this applies to everything I do.

i guess I really should stop talking as if I were some moral Buddha, but i honestly meant every word of it.

I guess since i had a off day yesterday, it affected how i was today. I was a bitch in the morning and I am really sorry for that but honestly don't get on my nerves when i'm already pissed...I get really defensive. On days like today...I am an explosive about to set off at any moment. I hope, being tomorrow is friday and I don't have work, things will be a lot better and happy.

Tomorrow is another day to look forward to....now I need to go talk to my best friend...i need guidance.

I'm not going to UCONN. oh, well.

at least I got into college and I am going to college...that is the postitive side.

I can finally say that adaptations has actually accomplished something. I have to laugh at this hole thing really. We practiced one than two songs and finished about 3 numbers. Also, the song big spender was actually "started" (we got our first pose the week before..but that doesn't count.) and finished the number in the same rehearsal...that is major accomplishment for us this year. I am actually kinda of shocked about how many people actually don't give a shit about adaptations. so far about 2 or 3 people have dropped out and the others say that it really doesn't matter to them...just something to do. I mean, yes, adaptations is not my life but at least I'm not going to make a fool of myself on stage. I at least have a little pride in it. Also...theater is my life so I'm going to mess it up because the adaptations is complete crap this year. My favorite part or parts of adaptations is being on stage and feeling(for once) that I'm someone more than just me. Also..I am really looking forward to the cast party in the end...which reminds me...do we even have one since we are not at shelton high but rather at SIS?...oh well...as long as there is a party or something afterwards I'm good.

we are 3 weeks from opening night.

Once again...I'm pleased we finished something..finally.

well...yeah. I'm on the fence....this is where it gets messy and the over thinking comes into play. maybe i can just forget about it. yes...instead I'll think about....midterms! that is a perfect distraction....or so I would like to believe. Oh and of course there is swirl...another distraction. If you haven't figoured out what I'm talking about, you are crap.

i hate when guys can't make up their mind or when they CHANGE their mind. pick a side and stay with it...don't say one thing and then do another.

ok....really bored...I can't wait to hang out with people who don't bother me on tuesday...yay tammy, lexi and justin!

How could i be so stupid. i mean I have done plenty of stupid things in my life this is one of those moments that truly tops the charts. God...why do I always end up in situations like this? I really don't get...i must have been a blonde in my previous life. You think you would get the hint that he doesn't want a realtionship because of the distance. no, no, no....when he said that I wasn't even upset let alone sad or anything....and thinking about it now, I think I was even understanding and ok with what he said. why? I really don't have any freakin' idea. I mean I risked putting my heart on the line(like I always do) and once again I am the one left hurt and yes alone. (and no i am not feeling sorry for myself...it is just a fact I have noticed.) I actually thought that it wasn't true, like "well he says that now but just wait till he comes home." and here i am finally realizing this time isn't going to be any different. I never had a happy ending and I keep thinking, in the back of my mind, that this time it is going to be different. this time i am going to be happy and things will change. but who am i kidding? i always seem to get myself in deeper than I should and I am sick of it. myabe one day ill learn from my mistakes.

hello again. I'm really not in a writing mood tonight but i i should at least kept up to date with what is going on in my life right now. I'm just going to give a little review. So I left for Ocean City on sunday morning after church and it was a very long drive. Thankfully I had my portable DVD player to keep Dom and I company. We didn't do anything exciting there. We went to the beach monday and tuesday. We walked alot on the boardwalk. Went out to dinner. lots of swimming. and zero distractions...like annoying people, boys and work. I slept on the couch which was good because it was in a separate room from my dad who snores really loud. OH! and I can't forget my goal to become tan. So I did accomplish my goal. I became tan...plus burned...not so hot but i lived.

On Wednesday we left to got visit my Aunt Ana and Uncle Alex for the day. We had dinner and discussed baby names for my new baby cousin who is going to be a girl! I'm soo happy that I'm getting a new cousin. i love babies. When I got home, in my own bed, i fell right to sleep because for the next four days i had work.

On Saturday Dom left for college. I miss him but sometimes we do need to be apart. On Monday I had to drive my Mom to her M R I. She was really nervous and so was I. She has a fear of closed small spaces and it drives her crazy to be taking the M R I. She had me go in with her and I had to sign release forms. I read to her as she was getting it done and by the end she fell asleep to me reading. She said I helped her so much. I'm glad I can help take care of my mom after she done so much for me. I love my mommy and I am damn proud of it! haha. Later I went out with Alexa and said good bye to Lindsey. I got them both going away presents. Bracelets. They loved them which is good. Alexa and I went to wendy's...hooray for fast food! Then after that I went to brainard's house for a get together. I brought him a pie I made. It was good. and Monday was how I spent my last day of summer. with my friend and family. The people I love.

TUESDAY. My first day of SENIOR YEAR. I never felt so scared. It like living up to all the expectations people have told you about..and it's hard to explain. I felt like I was looking for my older friends but forgot I am the older person and there is no one to look up to. I am being looked up to and it's scary. I wish I had my Alexa or Lindsey or Eric or adam or even bobby to look up to for one more year but I don't and I have to make this year count. This is the time when you define who you will become. This is my senior year and I have to make it count.

later that day I went school shopping and met up with Nadia. Hooray for Nadia. I love her. :)The classes im taking so far is English 4, sociology, algebraic topics, im a house aid during period 4, concert choir, SAT math, and Bio 2. This should be a good year. I can't wait.

Wednesday. Still loving my classes and what not. later I went out with alexa, justin and christi to wendy's...yes again. OOOOOHHHH! and I ate chicken! that is amazing! ha ha.

today is my Daddy's birthday. He is now 45 years old. my daddy is a big kid now ha ha. I had work right after school till 6. hooray! but it was a stressful day with my boss's kids running around and Ronnie getting angry that he tripped over one of the girl's bikes. But Dana came around seeing if she could get a job, which she will, and kept me company for awhile. I showed her the ropes of working at oronoque farms. So wasn't cool. I'm looking forward to tomorrow because I am going to breakfast with Kat and jim so that should be fun. It will be my first time eating at Billy D's in my entire life so this should be interesting. Oh and I might be sleeping over Tammy's house. so there is something to look forward too, because I miss my best friend! Oh and saturday I should be going to the mall with Nadia and Fiona. Yay for shopping.

so yeah...i promised I would tell you how my party went and about my entire week, since I haven't really been writing in a while. I'll start with Sunday. Sunday was a long day for me. First there was church where I saw Kevin, whom I haven't seen all summer so it was like "WOAH! He does exist!" After that we had this guy and his daughter bring by a statue of Mother Mary. It was a copy of a statue that sister Lucy helped make. The original was brought to the U.S. and sent to visit New Orleans and when it was there it literally cried 14 times. So i was pretty amazed by it. And the crown that was on the copy was the original crown that was on the statue of mary that cried. Even cooler. Then Tammy came over and prayed the rosary with me. You know who your real friends are when that actually will pray the rosary with you, your family and the guy who brought the statue. Then my parents plus Tammy and I left to go to Chris's Mom's wake. It was really sad to go but I didn't cry that bad. He was actually taking really well unlike when he called me, in tears, right after his mom passed away. I am glad he came to me for support, it's kinda of an honor I guess. He knows I going to be here for him no matter what and if he needs to talk I right here..always. Which is what he needs right now.

Monday was just as long as Sunday since I got early to go to the Funeral with Tammy, Vinny, Alex, Ryan and Alex's mom. It was a very nice ceremony, which took place at the Funeral home. Then we went to the burial, which was the hardest part about the whole thing. After that was the after party. It was nice...you know small talk and what not. Those whom I went with were talking about stupid things and Chris even came to join us after mingling for awhile. We left after spending most of our time there. I had to go to the doctors at 3 which wasn't fun. They had to prick my finger with a needle..which i didn't like at all but i got over it. My doctor also told me that I grew 1 inch in two years. I am now 63 inches...not cool, because that means I am going to be short all my life...tear, tear. Then later Tammy and I wanted to go to the movies and figured to invite Chris. He came and it was an interesting time. We watched the pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's chest. It was 2nd time seeing it but i enjoyed it just the same. "I've got a jar of dirt and guess what's in it!" Thank God for Johnny Depp. Tammy then slept over for the night and we just sorta passed out. We were that Tired. We didn't even get 15 minutes into the Life of Brian.

The next day(Tuesday) we cleaned the living room and then I kicked her out of my house! No....rather she went home and I was bored...she has me so whipped haha. Once she left I went on a cleaning spree. I cleaned my entire desk...and there was a lot of crap on it. It took me a couple of hours to sort through things but in the end it looked great! Then I had to go clean up around the house because my mom invited Chris and his family over for diner. The diner went pretty well even though I thought my mom would never shut up and the random silences scared me. Then I cleaned up after the diner and what not. Then they all went home.

Wednesday. That was a great day. No awkward silences and everything...except there still was my talkative mom. Around 3 or so I was invited to Chris's house. I was the only one till 5 or so..but it was ok. Chris took me for a ride on the jet ski...which is never dull. Then after a nice ride Cassidy showed up and then Nadia came too. We went on the speed boat and Chris's Dad drove while the girls and I were being stupid and taking odd pictures. We got back ate amazing food. Then Tammy showed up and eventually so did Nadia's boyfriend Nick and his friend Tom and of course Alex haha. By that time we had been sitting by the fire for a half hour or so. Then I was reminded that certain Canadian (BOBBY!) was leaving for college the next day, which I didn't know even though he said that he told me....NOT...or I just forgot because I tend to that sometimes(but not on purpose). that was a run on sentence. I ended up calling him and having a 20 minute conversation that was so sentimental. I'm corny like that. I also had my 3rd movie moment in life. I don't think I'll write it...it was a bit corny. Then we said good-bye because he was getting another call. But once I hung up the phone Chris called me over and said I had a phone call on his cell...which I didn't understand till I picked up the phone. It was Bobby. My asshole friends called him while I was on the phone with him. And I totally wasted my sentimental good-bye the first time around so I told him I would call him in the morning before he left. The rest of the night I was in deep thought. Not on purpose though...just because I'm such a sap for these kinds of things. Then we went home after the long and eventful day.

Thursday. Thursday was the only day that I didn't have a ton of fun. I was in a PMS sorta mood. I called Bobby...and had to repeat my sentimental good bye. Then I went into work early because it was pie baking day for farmer's market. Then I went to my voice lesson with Paul which was awesome, because I have noticed my improvement. And after that a serious conversation with Tammy.

FRIDAY!!! HOORAY!....this is the exciting part! So I invited a bunch of people over my house for the celebration of my not working at the kelly mart and the end of summer. Chris, Colin, Paige, Stacey, Cassidy, Vinny, Ryan, Tammy, Eddie, Grant, Dewey and Alex came. We went swimming but not for long since it was cold. We ate lots of food. Chips of course. Hot dogs and hamburgers made special by my daddy and pasta made special by my mom. We mostly talked our asses off and what not and right before it got dark we started the outdoor fire place. As we watched it we decided to play only two rounds of hide and seek tag in the dark. Then half of my friends wanted to watch a movie so i put one on and I stayed outside playing "never have I ever". I suck at that game. Then once most of the people left some of wanted to go for a walk. So it was Tammy, Vinny, Alex, Ryan and me who went for a random walk around my neighborhood. It was so much fun. It was favorite part of the whole day. Alex did his hilarious "crane" walk. I will never let him live it down. There was also the amazing chat with miss kathy who told to be careful if we were gonna go smoke or something. haha...never gonna happen. haha. Then Vinny got in trouble..HAHA and so we went home. Then Ryan and vinny left and I was just Tammy, Alex and me we watched one log burn in the fire and then I showed him all the pictures from the past year and found some awesome pictures of stupidity. Then Tammy illegally drove Alex home with me in the front seat. and Then Tammy slept over. We were pretty awake this time around. We stayed up till around 3 talking about the finger named tony and how amazing ours laughs were.

Today Tammy is gone and I have been writing forever. I have been pretty shot but I think I'll just hang out with the family and start packing for ocean city which we are leaving for after church tomorrow. We are only going to be gone for 4 days so we'll be back sometime on wednesday. I'll tell you all about it. My only goal for this coming vacation is to get really tan. Wish me luck! ha ha. Ok I'm leaving I finally got my internet card back and I'm really excited! I'll tell you more when I get back.